"Parental alienation", who would have thought it would be such a debated term?

When I first recorded a podcast about parental alienation, I used that term because it was the only language I had at the time to describe what I was experiencing.

I wasn't aware of the history behind the term. I didn't know the debates surrounding its origins, who had introduced the concept, or how it had been used in some family law cases.

I was simply a mother trying to put words around something incredibly painful, the experience of feeling like someone was intentionally damaging the relationship between me and my children.

Later, as I became more involved in this space, people reached out and said, "You shouldn't use that term." They told me it had been debunked, and about the concerns surrounding its history and how it had sometimes been used in ways that harmed protective parents and children.

I listened, because I believe it's important to understand the history of language and to have thoughtful conversations about the words we use. But I also believe something else is true.

No one owns a term. A person may introduce a concept, but they don't own every person's experience of what that word has come to represent. Language evolves. And importantly, the research into parental alienation didn't end with the person who first introduced the concept.

Dr Amy Baker has spent years researching parental alienation and the experiences of children and parents who report it. In one qualitative study, she interviewed adults who described experiencing parental alienation as children. Her research identified recurring patterns in the ways a child's relationship with a parent can be undermined, and examined the longer-term effects those adults reported, including low self-esteem, depression, difficulties with trust and problems in their own relationships.

Baker and Douglas Darnall also surveyed 97 adults who identified themselves as targets of parental alienation. The participants described more than 1,300 individual actions they believed had been used to undermine their relationship with their children.

This research doesn't mean every parent-child estrangement is parental alienation. It doesn't mean every allegation made in a family court is false, and it certainly doesn't mean concerns about the history or misuse of the term should be dismissed.

But it does mean there is an ongoing body of research examining parental alienation as a real family relationship phenomenon, including the behaviours associated with it and the experiences of children and parents who report living through it. That matters.

Within this space, there are parental alienation support groups with thousands of parents, and movements like PAPA, People Against Parental Alienation. Many parents use this term because it's the language that describes what they've lived through. Others believe the term shouldn't be used. Both conversations can co-exist, but sometimes I wonder whether we've become so focused on debating the terminology that we risk losing sight of what matters most, the children and families behind the words.

It's a bit like debating the exact definition of bullying while a child is sitting there hurting. The conversation about language matters, but it should never stop us from addressing the behaviour and the impact.

For me, I continue to use the term parental alienation because it helped me find language for my own experience, there is research examining the phenomenon, and because many people understand what I mean when I use it.

There are other terms that have been proposed, including Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS) and Malicious Fracturing of Attachment. I understand why some people prefer alternative language, and I respect that, but these terms are far less commonly recognised and, for many people, aren't immediately understood.

"Parental alienation" is a term people already recognise. It gives people who are experiencing this something they can search for, connect around, and use to find others who understand what they're going through. That matters too.

At Mumma Bears Rising, our focus isn't about winning a debate over a term. It's about listening to families, supporting children, protecting relationships, and creating space for honest conversations about what happens when the bond between a child and a parent is damaged.