Today is R U OK? Day, and while I absolutely love the intention behind having a day that reminds us to stop, check in with people, and ask how they're really doing, I think it's also a really important reminder that checking in with the people we love shouldn't be something we only do on one day of the year.

Particularly when I think about the mumma bears in this community who are living with separation from their children, I actually think the question "are you OK?" can sometimes minimise the enormity of what we are experiencing, because whether we are OK or not can depend entirely on when you ask us.

When we're walking through a shopping centre and see a child walking hand in hand with her mum, we are not OK. When we're driving past a school and see children pouring out of the gates, we are not OK. When we're seeing families together having picnics and playing together, we are not OK. When our child's birthday is approaching, we are not OK. When we're out with our partner or friends and the song that reminds us of our child comes on, we are not OK. When we're watching TV and an advert comes on selling our child's favourite treat, we are not OK. When a Facebook memory comes up from years ago when we were having fun with our children, we are not OK.

Mother's Day, Christmas, school holidays, sporting events, a photo, a song, a memory, or sometimes just a completely ordinary moment, can bring that grief right back to the surface.

And then there are days when we are OK. We get dressed up and go for a dance, we paint the beautiful butterflies in our garden, we advocate for others, we work on our important missions, we spend time with people we love, and we have joyful moments. We try and keep on living. That doesn't mean we don't miss our children, or that the pain has disappeared. It just means we're human, and we're finding ways to keep going.

So if you know someone who is going through this, please don't just ask them today. Check in next week or next month. Check in when you know their child's birthday is coming up, or when you know they've got something happening that might be difficult. And sometimes, instead of asking "are you OK?", maybe just let them know that you're there.

One of my favourite things my partner says to me when I'm having a hard day is "I got you." Three very simple words, but they mean so much to me, because he isn't asking me to be OK. He isn't trying to fix it or tell me that everything will be fine. He's just letting me know that whatever I'm feeling in that moment, I don't have to carry it completely on my own.

Because "I got you" says something very different to "are you OK?" It says, I don't need you to be OK. I'm here whether you are or not. And I think that's what so many of us need.

So perhaps we don't just want an R U OK? Day. We want an I Got You day.

Actually, no. We don't want that either. We want "I got you" every day.

Because separation from your children doesn't happen for one day. The grief doesn't follow a calendar, and our care for each other shouldn't either.

So if you know a mumma who is going through this, please reach out. You don't need to have the answers, you don't need to fix anything, and you don't even need to fully understand what she's going through.

Sometimes just knowing someone is there, and hearing those three little words, can mean more than you will ever know.

I got you. ❤️